The Jesus Statue-by Calum Rogers

Geoffrey is sat in the church. He is alone, but the ominous statue of Jesus Christ behind the altar seems as if another person is there with him. He is sat in one of the pews on the left hand side, but near the middle of the section. He is in deep contemplation about the events that have happened while holding rosary beads.

Geoffrey: I never thought for a moment that Susan would have had so many issues to deal with. I know that life can be harsh but I never thought it would have effected her, not at all. She was strong y'know? Like many young wives but this caught me by surprise. I had my suspicions that something wasn't quite right but like Jesus said never pick out others flaws if you have a bigger flaw yourself, so I turned a blind eye, as a matter of fact I convinced myself that it would sort it self out...I knew I should have stepped in to help her. It was the same Susan that I had married all those years ago, but... something was a miss, a shell, a empty lifeless shell of a soul that has been corrupted by drink and sexual urges. It was something that caught me by surprise but once I caught on did not surprise me at all.

[Running the Rosary beads through his fingers]

I wanted to help her, I should of helped her. If someone close to your heart, who you have complete and utter love and passion for is in desperate need of help, well its obvious isn't it, you're going to want to help them... aren't you? Only in my case it was different I couldn't just step in and help because I hadn't caught onto it yet. What was I supposed to do? Confront my wife and say are you an alcoholic? Accuse her of improving her relations with a dashing Indian man? No, I’m better than that I won't go around forcing the truth out of others, it's not who I am. To be perfectly honest I knew something was up when see kept leaving early from my sermon's. I knew she'd heard them all before but it was constant for the last few months and now I know why she was leaving.

[Geoffrey, who has now moved to the church confessional box. Although nobody is there listening to him, he moves there for more privacy in case someone were to walk in while he was speaking to the Jesus statue.]

Susan, would always say 'nothing is wrong with me' or 'I've got nothing to hide' but of course she did. Going to a shop in Leeds for liquor and intercourse which is absolutely ridiculous. I mean I can understand the liquor but she didn't have to go behind my back that was what hurt the most, when you trust someone and they go behind your word y'know? As a matter of fact I didn't know how I managed to sum up the courage and the strength to forgive her and her Indian lover. Violence was not the answer so I prayed for them...three days worth of quiet contemplation and asking God to forgive there sins. Although Susan would always say 'don't pray for me as I'm not worth it'...but I love her despite her flaws and I want her sins to be forgiven. As for the Indian man well,although I was hurt I wanted him to know someone is looking out for him even if it is his lovers husband...and I hope that God can see my view on the matter.

[Leaving the confessional box and the church, Geoffrey turns to the Jesus statue and looks at the calm expression on his face. Just before leaving he says a short prayer...]

Dear Jesus, please find it in your heart to forgive Susan's and her lovers sins as they have gone against mine and your word. Give them the strength to confront their problems and help them progress in life as better people, Amen.

[Geoffrey says this prayer and drops the rosary beads on the aisle and as he is leaving the church all you can hear is complete stillness and the quiet sobs of the vicar himself.]

A Bed Among The Lentils Analysis

The opening stage directions suggest that Susan is in a pretty bad condition. A vicar’s wife Susan is described as “thin”; this could suggest that years of abuse towards herself from drinking could have made her ill. The opening stage directions also describe Susan as “nervous”. Again, probably due to her alcoholism see seems to be constantly on edge at being found out whilst describing her true emotions in her monologue. The last bit of information that the opening stage directions give us, is “probably smokes”. This is something that tends to be incorporated into an alcoholic’s life, as many deem that an alcoholic also smokes which give a visual image of the complete look of a troubled person.

The language that Susan uses reveals a lot about her age, social class and attitudes. Her attitudes towards Geoffrey’s sermons are one that seems to not care about. For example she describes the sermon on sex as “marriage gives the OK to sex is the gist of it”. The key part of the phrase is “gist of it”. This shows us Susan has very little or no interest in her husband’s sermons as she either doesn't like or have heard them before.  The phrase “keeps a bottle of cough mixture in his cupboard in case any of the choirboys get chesty”; suggests that she is older than many people think. This is because of the keyword of “choirboys”. Nowadays, there are many girls in church choirs but because it’s only boys it would suggest that women are not on an equal oath like the men in that time. Susan’s social class is also one that can be picked out. Although the vicar’s wife; who is regarded as very important but second only to the vicar, her social class is quite far down. Susan is not upper class or lower class but because of the alcoholism and her affair with Mr Ramesh,  she is considered a lower class person or a lowlife because she can’t be trusted with herself.

 The only bit of sadness that really can be heard in her voice is, on page 41 paragraph 2 on the transcript. Susan’s voice changes slightly to as if she is going to cry about Mr Ramesh leaving.  The phrase “I went down there on Sunday”, tells us that she really misses Mr Ramesh because even though he has packed up and moved to Preston she still can’t keep herself away from the shop where she met him. The other bit of sadness that is conveyed is her sarcastic response of “terrific”. Although it doesn’t seem as if Susan is sad the way she responded to her husband saying “that drunken flower arranger was my wife”, suggests that Susan would have rather not wanted her husband to do a sermon about her in front of everybody she knew in a place of holy worship.

All of the examples used, are not the most obvious ones to describe but they all link into each other. Susan’s attitudes suggest that she doesn't care, which is true but we see her care a little bit when Mr Ramesh has moved to Preston and when her husband, Geoffrey is conducting a sermon about her to those that she knows. Complied with her appearance in the opening stage directions this gives a visual image of a typical person with many problems in their life.

Travel Writing-The Crab Story

The crab story was something that I remembered well from our trip. From my mum's point of view the story changes every time we bring it up but this was how it went.

Me and my family were in Barbados, as my dad had won a golf tournament and the prize was a trip to play golf in St Michael's. While he played golf,me my brother and my mum soaked up the sun, and the incredible surroundings so we already knew it was a trip we wouldn't forget. The pale white beach which was less than ten seconds from the hotel, and the emerald colored sea was the best features of this Caribbean island. The beach had holes dug out if it, which of course I now know were crab dens.

A few days later we went for an evening walk. Although it was the evening the temperature was still high, about 25-30 degrees so the evenings were pleasant. This story is memorable because of the way my mum screamed when it happened. I was walking behind my dad,mum and brother, because I was captivated with the scenes of the crabs so I was taking it all in. They were nesting in the rock pools along the pathway and I would say there was about 300 of them, so it was quite ominous when you looked at them for more than a few seconds. The crabs blended in quite well as they were a coal black colour or a dusty grey colour. But while taking in the backdrop it happened.

"Ahhhhhhhhh" I heard, as I looked up my mum is hiding behind my dad and my dad's expression was one of confusion because he was thinking about what had happened. What had actually happened was one of the crabs that was on the rocks of the rock pools, had ran out in front of my mum's foot which caused her to, in the words of my dad, "jump like a wuss". My brother was laughing as he is normally the one who gets scared by animals nearby, but this was a day that he would be able to use in the future.

The story continues to change four years after we went (October 2010), it changes from running in front of my mum, to running over my mum's foot or the most recent one, ran between my mum's legs, but whatever one we use it's still a good memory to bring up and to laugh about.

Chalky's a spy-Language Use

This video incorporates language that is used in modern Britain, but in war time Britain. The two pilots played by Alexander Armstrong and Ben Miller are using their, at the time, typical British accents for a comedic effect because they're speaking like a teenager of today.Their accents are upper class which makes the slang words used sound completely different to how they sound today. For example at the end of certain sentences the pilots would say "isn't it". This would be commonly known as someone saying innit but because of their upper class accents they are pronouncing every sound in the word. Also, they use the word "homeboy" meaning a member of a youth gang. This links back into modern day slang as this is a commonly used word within gangs.

 Another phrase that shows that the youth of today are being mocked is the phrase, "I reckon him and Hitler have been talking about me behind my back."This ties in with the comparisons because some teenagers today talk behind each others backs even if they're friends because people tend to gossip about one another. Due to their upper class accents the pilots do not sound like the youth of today. This sketch, which was made for comedy purposes, could represent the demise of the English language, as most Britain's used to have the upper class accent but now it has decreased due to different behavior styles (i.e. youth gangs etc).

The next phrase that shows the pilots mocking the language of today is,"the lute captain is well vexxed."This phrase has been used in language today, but only with a different topic.The word "vexxed", meaning irritated or annoyed is a word which now is commonly used with the youth today as it is an alternative way of showing emotions towards someone or something. This specific phrase and word has been made comedic because this wouldn't have been the sort of thing that would have been said about Hitler and his spy's, and this can also make the younger audience laugh because thy can relate to the language being used.

Style Model Analysis-Tumblr Posts

This piece of writing incorporates a number of different techniques. I will be writing about two of these techniques specifically Grammar and Discourse structure

The grammar used in these Tumblr posts are mainly simple sentences, but the ones that catch the eye of the reader are the complex sentences. The sentence in the main introductory paragraph, "lovers of omitted contenders, and haters of those included, will haul indignation" is complex and is designed to try and persuade the audience in reading these posts. The desired effect that the writer is trying to create, is that he believes that even people who normally dislike Tumblr posts, especially comedic Tumblr posts will not be able to help themselves as he is saying that these posts are so funny that even the most cynical of of person will laugh at them.

The second techniques I will be writing about is Discourse structure. Discourse structure is how the piece of text is organised. For instance this piece of text is set up in individual paragraphs which a short and easy to read, after the introductory paragraph that was much longer with more detail. After this, each post is organised under a subheading describing the contents of the posts. The effect of the first paragraph is to describe what all the posts are (funny Tumblr posts) and for each separate post they're under subheadings so that the audience has a chance to read each one and take in what they're saying.

An Introduction To Me!

An introduction to me so where do I start?

Some say I'm loud, others say I'm quiet
Some say I'm lazy, others say I'm energetic
Some say I'm annoying especially my brother
But all of these represent me

Some say I'm useful, others say I'm useless
Some say I'm talented, others say I'm untalented
Some say friendly, others say repulsive
But all of these represent me

I may not be the coolest, or the most talented
I may not be the best looking, or the nicest guy
I may have my uses, but I may have no use
But all of these represent me

But it doesn't matter what my peers think
Nor what my friends think
It doesn't matter what my family think
Because there's nobody I'd rather be...

Than Me!